How to Make Mumbai the Best City in Asia!

Mumbai, the financial capital of India, is on the brink of greatness—after all, we’ll soon be the third-largest economy in the world. This is the city of commerce, the home of Bollywood, and a land where more billionaires reside than anywhere else in Asia. Ah yes, our beautiful city, surrounded by the sea, adorned with colonial buildings, and featuring a national park with over 30 leopards conveniently located right in the middle—what’s not to love?

The government, always bursting with grand ambitions, has been working hard to turn Mumbai into a modern city like Singapore or Shanghai. And why not? After all, what could be better than making life easier for our 25 million residents, ensuring businesses thrive, and leaving tourists dazzled as they pour in by the thousands?

Now, being a concerned citizen I’ve got a few brilliant suggestions to help the government achieve this dream:

Step 1: Urban Planning? That’s for Amateurs.

Let’s just forget the entire concept of city planning. Honestly, it’s a complete waste of manpower. Why lay out roads, infrastructure, or public spaces when we can do things organically? We Indians are experts at adapting to whatever comes our way. Besides, I’m sure the bureaucracy has our best interests at heart every time they approve a real estate development. Skyscraper next to a slum? Perfect. Parking lots where gardens could be? Inspired!

Step 2: Roads, Glorious Roads—Keep Them As They Are!

Mumbai’s roads are already a global sensation, known for their unique texture (read: potholes), unpredictable shapes, and spontaneous lakes after a good rain. Why change that? In fact, I hear people from around the world are flocking to marvel at how we’ve achieved this despite collecting so many taxes. It’s practically a UNESCO heritage site! Not to mention, these roads have a real purpose—slowing down traffic in a city of reckless drivers, and, dare I say, offering a handy population control solution since a few hundred die each year navigating them. Brilliant, no?

Step 3: Forget Schools and Parks—We’ve Got Skyscrapers!

The government is spot-on in its policy of not allocating space for schools, parks, or community centers. Why bother when we can build taller, shinier buildings and rake in more revenue? Green spaces and education are for other, less forward-thinking states. Let’s continue cramming people into high-rises—who needs fresh air or space to breathe when you can have a stunning view of the building right next door?

Step 4: Preserve the Smells and Sounds of Mumbai! 

The ‘symphony’ of Mumbai is unlike any other. The delightful bouquet of sewage, fresh fish, and organic waste creates an aroma that lingers in your soul. And the sounds! The constant honking, the construction drills, the religious ceremonies—this is the soundtrack of life. Foreigners must absolutely love it. In fact, we should offer incentives for the cars with the loudest and most frequent honking. “Horn OK Please” should be a global phenomenon!

Step 5: Education? Overrated 

Mumbai’s proudest distinction? Having absolutely no noteworthy schools or colleges. And why should we bother? Life is going on perfectly well without them. Other states waste precious resources on quality education, but we know better. After all, who needs a degree when you can have a real-world education in navigating traffic, dodging leopards, and surviving monsoon floods?

In Conclusion...  

I sincerely hope the government takes my advice to heart. The world needs to see Mumbai in all its chaotic, fragrant, honk-filled glory. Shanghai and Singapore may have their sleek skyscrapers and orderly streets, but we’ve got something they never will—character. Let’s show the world why our beloved city truly is the best in Asia! #mubaimerijaan #Makemumbaiwowagain #sabchaltahai #mrsvyangmare